I have made it well past the half-year mark now (day 204). I was going to write once I got to the halfway mark, but I was having a hard time figuring out what to say about it. So I am a bit late in posting it.
Meditating, I have noticed, feels like getting a glimpse of some bigger mystery, almost like being deep in thought with no thought at all. That is on the days I am not ridiculously restless, LOL! Or at least my quiet meditations are that way. Sometimes I do a meditation of gratitude, and that one feels more like the sun rising inside of me.
Even this far into it, I still have days I don’t want to sit still, and sometimes I even think I could just be wasting my time. Other times it is amazing, and I have epiphanies. I have plenty of restless days, but I work through them and relax as much as possible. I have had days I get so busy I damn near forget to meditate, but I always make sure it happens. I have an alarm set in the afternoon, so if I have not done it yet it reminds me, and if I am too busy when it goes off, I will just keep shifting the alarm later to ensure it gets done. I am in the flow of a project so the meditation gets pushed all the way to 9:30 at night, but I generally would rather it be early in the day. Sometimes it is late, but I do it!
So I was thinking more about what it has done for me, or what it is for me.
– It is time that I am telling myself I am here for me. It is a time when I do not feel like there is anything else I need to be doing. So I can do my best to drop the pressure and stress for at least 30 minutes.
– It points out that most things are an inside job. Now I already knew that happiness/joy/peace comes from inside, not outside circumstances and items (don’t get me wrong, I know better circumstances can help), but I mean that really deep sense of peace in one’s life, that peace that you know everything will turn out good no matter what. Meditating has made that more poignant. It has reaffirmed that knowledge. It shows me that more than creating an external sanctuary, I need to create an internal sanctuary. Cultivate the mind in such a way that I feel at peace no matter where I am at. Of course, I am not REALLY there yet, but I have my glimpses, and I am getting better and better at it, but that is a big process. Even just the moments of that feeling are amazing!
I know there is so much more, but sometimes I find it hard to put into words. I do think that this has been a good practice to take on and a good year goal! If you meditate, where are you at in your practice? What do you find you get out of it?
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